Deodorants and Lies

"Actions performed in this advertizement are extremely dangerous and are performed under expert supervision and must not be imitated. "

We've seen this disclaimer and combinations thereof in several advertizements and television programmes. I was wondering whether such disclaimers should be provided wherever imitation of said actions was not likely to produce the desired results. Cars and bike advertizements provide this to some extent. They have lines like 'The mileage stated has been measured under test conditions', intending to say that if you tried to drive that new Indica thing in the city traffic and didn't get 25 kilometers to the litre, you shouldn't be too upset. If you complain, they will have the right to say "We told you so".

Let's cast our minds forward to a particular class of product that sells on the basis of shameless lies. And sex. Deodorant sprays. What a bunch of shameless liars. Apparently if I use a certain deodorant and walk on the streets I can expect to look behind and see an army of gorgeous women lusting after me. Or the neighbour's wife will shiver with pleasure and drop her plate due to loss of self control when I stand at my window and spray stuff out of that pressurized tin. It never happens. Liars. Cheats. Worse than senseless things.

They ought to put disclaimers on their ads. So that well meaning customers who want to smell nice and hit it off with the ladies don't end up disappointed and still continue buying those dratted things anyway.

For instance, Wild Stone should probably add some fine print such as 'Actions performed in this advertizement are performed by experts and under supervision. Do not imitate. Billboards should probably include 'Results portrayed in this advertizement are measured in a standardized test environment.' Or something like 'Please do not try this at home, lest you want to suffer extreme disappointment or chagrin. Well unless of course you yourself are extremely attractive and have the body of a Greek or Roman god.'

The deceivers at Axe should take hard looks at themselves. How they mislead unsuspecting hopeful guys with such tall promises! If truth prevailed, disclaimers of the like 'Do not be disappointed if the women of your town don't run out of their homes and offices to chase you with ruthless seduction in their eyes' would make an appearance in this age of consumer awareness. Or perhaps 'Use of this product may not necessarily turn your body into irresistible chocolate'. 'Visualizations shown in this advertizements are digitally generated. Do not imitate. In the real world, having a chunk of your buttock bitten off by a gorgeous woman on the subway may be a painful and traumatizing experience', and 'Do not attempt to pull off your nose and subsequently drop the debris of said nose into ice cream cones held by attractive ladies on the sidewalk. They may not take too kindly to such actions.'