inr blues...

don't borrow money from me now...for anyone who might be interested.. me bank balance has hit an all time low of INR 124.05... :(!!!!

test life?? %%??

i am kind of confused...was it a test, did i pass? what on earth..

i just had an awesome day with mic on the telephone, feeling incredibly awesome..and was on my way to the temple later in the evening after sunset..I was walking along, my roommates a little ahead, and was text messaging mic when i came across a family on the street, the man requested me to stop.. I instantly thought he wanted money and i moved away. "I don't want any money sir", he said. " We've lost everything and my kids are very hungry, can you please help us get something to eat?" I was stunned for a second. I couldn't help but stop. I turned and observed this time. His wife, looking exhausted was holding on to a toddler, the second toddler was on the tar, next to her. I didn't know what to do for a split second. One part of my mind was telling me to move on, he would find his way... the other part of my mind just wouldn't let me move on. I looked towards the numerous stalls parked beside the road. But they sold only snacks.. what good would bhek puri, or a plate of paani puri do for two little kids who possibly haven't eaten the whole day?

I asked him whether that would be alright. But as soon as i asked i felt it was a pointless question. I remembered there was this Aiyyappa ashram i sometimes went to for some home-cooked food. I gave him some money, and told him how to get to the ashram. But i could see the man either wasn't convinced or he didn't trust me. It seemed to me that he and his family were victims of some kind of fraud, or were cheated in some way not long ago.. But i didn't want to go into his troubles. My friends had gone ahead, and me standing with a troubled man at a busy crossing. I told him the place i was talking about was an ashram, and that he would find help there. I walked away, without looking back, and sent the sms to mic which i had finished composing before i met the family..

I couldn't stop thinking about it. My mind wandered in several directions. Who was this man? How did he get here? He didn't seem like he wanted charity, and he genuinely seemed to be in trouble.. Should i have helped him more? At the end of it, i felt i hadn't done anything much..
My mind wandered again..I was on my way to the temple..where people go to pray..I met him on the way..Was it a test now? It felt a little scary at first.. Had i passed? I'd have failed i guess.. I crossed the gates and went into the temple.. I wanted to pray for a lot of things. But all i could think and pray about was the family i met there. Did i do enough? I could have walked with them to the ashram and helped them till there..but then i didn't know the ashram people personally.. except by sight..
Well, it was not like i didn't help them, but what did i end up doing? He said he didn't want money, but thats finally what i ended up doing..I didn't give him the help he asked for. I thought back.. The stalls there didn't seel bread, I could have bought a loaf or two, but well, there was none.. the pav stall was at the next junction.. I thought on.. could have found a banana stall.. but then the nearest one was about 20 mins away..
After i came out of the temple i walked back to the place i had met the man.. There was no one there. I couldn't stop thinking about the evening. I hope he found help at the ashram, that is if he went there in the first place..

I'm still thinking. I didn't trust the man at first when he stopped me. He was probably cheated sometime back. He wouldn't trust anyone, but he wouldn't have had a choice would he? He didn't seem to believe me when i told him he could get help at the ashram. I couldn't believe myself. I'm new to helping people like this.. just the one time i let an old couple use my phone.. And i guess i didn't think anything much on this situation, i just did something and left. It might or might not have helped him at all. Why can't people trust each other? How cut-throatish can the world get? To what extent can people go, to mislead, cheat.. and why don't people care ? myself included? What has city life made me? Am i also one of the crowd? The crowd which has a blind eye to certain things like reality.. and an eye open to everything enjoyable.. and I think i have become one of the "don't trust anyone" types.. is this what life teaches one and all in the long run? Then whats the point in life?
Or perhaps people have always mistrusted each other. Its in everyon'e blood i guess. Ever since Cain struck Abel down.. Its a part of life, i guess..

Something seems unreal, somehow..i'm sitting in the comfort of reliance webworld, and typing away, listening to some soothing music..and the dude behind me playing some commandos game.. shooting away at imaginary enemies.. No one trusts anyone in the virtual game too.. Which is the life thats meant to be lived?
I still can't stop thinking about the evening..
How much truth is there in this life i lead? Where do i look for the answers? I haven't found them in me, yet..